Saigo No Iiwake

So today I came across an old song. THE SONG.

I used to listen to this song almost every night during this one phase in Sec 2!!! WTF ME!!! Ohhh what an emo boy I was back then!

My friend gave me this keychain and it was so cool because it was actually a mini-cd which doubled up as a keychain (well it was more like one of those things you hang on your bag and feel all cool and superior, because I doubt this thing could have held actual keys without smashing upon itself) and the mini-cd featured this one random japanese song by this Hideaki Tokunaga (extremely random, because if you remember, this was more than 10 years ago so I don't think ANYONE here in Sg was in the slightest bit aware of jap pop music) and I never knew (obviously) what the song meant but I imagined that it was about a japanese wedding and this guy was singing about how his bride left him at the altar and he's sitting there in the snow just feeling totally and completely crushed and heartbroken. This song moved me so much and I never even knew what it really meant! (I still don't want to know; I don't want to spoil it!)

So weird that I came across this song tonight on youtube. And then I remembered that I used to be so different; I used to feel everything for everyone in every way. I used to be so crushed at the smallest things people did, I used to fall madly in love with random different people EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't want to ever go back to that haha (seriously, yuck! My life was horrendously fucked-up back then, and you know I never use the word yuck unless absolutely necessary) but I'm a little bit glad that I can still remember how I used to be, and that I can still feel just a tinge of the old me (though it fills me with terror) creeping back up to the surface.

He's still deep inside me, the little boy from my past. I guess I'm just afraid of letting him out, even for one person, for one night, for one smile or just one little touch, because it took me a long, long time and a lot of hurt to bury him and become the happy, happy man that I am today. But yeah it's good to know he's still in there, waiting for when I'm ready :)