Flappy Day

Dear world, I have a story to tell and its not pretty. It may or may not keep you awake at night but its bursting out of me and my body cannot contain this horror within me anymore, it has to spill out. So I has getting my lunch at macs and Kelv thinks its super funny how they don't give you chilli sauce at the counter with your food anymore, and that you have to work for it on your own by pushing down on those maniac sauce pumps that demand a ton of energy for one squeeze of sauce. I, on the other hand, think its genius because I have a truly deep hatred for those heinous little chilli sauce packets that sometimes refuse to tear open and you're stuck biting them and ripping them apart with your teeth like some kind of sauce-crazed savage.

So I get to the chilli sauce station and I'm pumping hard for my sauce when this girl (who apparently couldn't wait a few seconds, because her life was somehow hanging treacherously in the balance and it all came down to one giant defining swig of her coke which she just had to ingest now now now or she'd die a horrible death or something) swooped her hands beneath mine for some straws. And then it happened. I watched in silent horror as one side of her fake eyelashes detached itself from her eyelids and did a floaty number in mid-air before landing on MY BURGER in a perfectly traumatizing slow-mo dance of death. It was like they were ALIVE and hungry. It was truly the most awkward 5 seconds of silent shock in my life. Like I met JU-ON and she attacked me, with her eyelashes of all things.

And then she just picked it up and walked away!!! At first, when that thing flew onto my precious, and we were just quiet for 5 whole seconds, and I was thinking like, "Maybe I should pick it up and pass it to her.. but I kinda don't wanna touch it.. What do I do.. What do I do.. OMG MY POOR BABY" But I guess I worried for nothing, because miss thang here simply grabbed her furry friend and poof she was gone. HI LADY, your face has been on my burger! It might probably happen to you all the freaking time, but I don't very often have parts of people's faces dropping in unannounced onto my food! I need comforting!

But well, I was actually not all that bothered burger-wise and I was totally gonna eat it anyway but when he wasn't looking, I switched mine with Kelv's because he was annoying me, majorly. Because there I was, fresh from all that epic tragedy of the fallen face invaders, and I come back to the table, and he was STILL sitting there bitching about the damn chilli sauce station. I know right.