Push

Alright I finally gave in to Adele last night! And yes she's pretty great. I was feeling so messed up last night, and I like to listen to really depressing songs (cue, Adele!) whenever I'm feeling down because it pushes out all the emo inside me and then after a few minutes, I'd find myself completely over whatever issue was bothering me. (My song choice: Someone Like You)

The thing about being psychotically positive and optimistic like I usually am (besides having delusions of grandeur and the eternal illusion of utter contentment) is that when something happens that shakes my core, I fall off the edge so easily and everything comes crashing down around me and while I'm struggling to find one thing, anything, to hold on to, I get this suffocating rush when I realize there's really nothing, nobody, NOTHING in my life I can grab on to. There's absolutely nobody I can call up and talk to at any instant when I'm feeling messed up. (And I do get seriously messed up at times, I do become completely heartbroken over the most random things, which is part of what's annoying about me, that the things that affect me tend to be so random and unpredictable) And I know it's all part of the grand design of my life that I have consciously built around me but this (albeit fleeting) feeling of suffocation and isolation just makes it all too real. That I am one person. Alone, in my room, with my so many people on my facebook chat and msn and my phone and yet.

It rings many alarms in my head and I realize this is why people have relationships and why people grab on to love or companionship, but I dunno. Seriously, is THAT what it takes? Disgusting! Have we evolved so little as a species that we're still faced with this sickening ultimatum? Urgh I REALLY need to get a fish tank again.